Courage to be disliked
"The Courage to Be Disliked: The Japanese Phenomenon That Shows You How to Change Your Life and Achieve Real Happiness" by Ichiro Kishimi (Author), Fumitake Koga (Author) is a book that I value a lot for its philosophical concepts. Below are my key take aways:
Adlerian Psychology
Horizontal Relationships
Try to avoid judging your friends or partners. Whenever you judge someone close to you, you introduce a sense of superiority or inferiority into the relationship. Over time, this can lead to false expectations and conflict. Punishment tends to result in frustration, whereas rewarding and applauding behaviors can create dependency. When you love someone, you should not judge them. It's acceptable to acknowledge the magnitude of a task or express gratitude, but refrain from labeling actions as good or bad.
Emotions as Tools
Emotions, such as anger, serve as tools to achieve our goals. You may feel angry when you wish to make others listen to you or when you desire attention.
Interpersonal Problems
The primary drivers in our lives are often linked to interpersonal relationship problems. All issues, therefore, are interpersonal in nature.
Happiness and Community Contribution
Community contributions can provide a sense of worth and belonging, leading to feelings of happiness.
Teleology vs. Deontology
In the context of Adlerian psychology, Teleology asserts that the past doesn't matter and there are no lingering effects of trauma. Conversely, Deontology posits that our present circumstances are the result of past events and traumas, suggesting that we are largely shaped and limited by our past. This perspective essentially portrays us as subjects of our environment, rather than active agents in control of our destiny.
Self-Acceptance
Before you can genuinely accept others and make meaningful contributions to your community, you must first accept yourself.
Task Separation
Everyone is responsible for their own goals and motivations. If you attempt to assist with a task or steer someone in a particular direction, you risk overstepping boundaries and end up completing the task yourself. It's essential to differentiate between your responsibilities and those of others. Interpersonal problems frequently arise when one person intrudes upon another's tasks.
Freedom and Dislike
True freedom often comes with the cost of being disliked by others. If you genuinely follow your own path, some people may disapprove. However, true freedom requires indifference to the judgement of others.